The new serpentine belt.

It started out as any other typical Thursday. I get a call at about 10:15 from our home. Now any other time I would expect my wife Millie to be on the other end. In her job as Education Director at The Panhandle Plains Historical Museum, she is afforded certain luxuries like staying in town if she has an early appointment in Amarillo, or sometimes she may not feel well and one of her benefits is a thing called "sick days". If you're as unfamiliar with that term as I am, let me explain. When you're not feeling well you simply call in to work and state as much. You don't get asked sarcastically for the address of the Hospital in which you're residing, and you don't have to listen to, "well... if you start feeling better, try to come in at noon". Oh yeah... and you get paid for staying home! What a concept! Back to my original story. I expected the phone call I received at 10:15 am to be from my wife Millie. Anytime I see my home number on the display screen of my cell phone, I expect it to be my wife. Who else would be calling me from my home at 10:15 in the morning on a weekday? After answering with my usual, "Hi sweetheart!" I hear in reply, "Uhhh, Larry this is Jack, (my stepson) My car broke down and it's sitting in your driveway. I called Mom at work and she said I should call you. I let myself in to use the phone". Now, once the initial shock and horror of calling my stepson sweetheart subsided, I started trying to make sense of what he was saying. In your house. Called Mom. Car broke down. In your driveway. As these items started adding up I immediately went into the "defensive mode". Guys, you know what I mean. You start asking questions like, "Well what's it doin'", "Will it start?""Does it stay started?", anything that might get you out of having to look at it, much less WORK on it. Some of us are born with a mechanical common sense and some of us aren't. For those of us that were, we've been able to save who knows how many thousands and thousands of dollars. But the down side is, that any time an acquaintence or family member has car trouble ,who do they call? Exactly! So we've established through a short phone conversation that all of the dash lights came on all of a sudden, and when the hood was opened there was smoke. I told him that he either lost a belt, or his alternator went out. Me:"Look under the hood and see if you broke a belt". Him:"What's it look like?" Me: "A belt. The fan belt. The black thing that goes on the pulleys that runs everything." Him: "Pulleys?" Never mind. I'll be home at lunch. As it turns out, I need to go check a remodel project close to the house, so I'm able to run by the house at about 11:00 am.

When I pull up at the house, he's sitting in the car with the hood up waiting for me to get there. I look under the hood and see that the serpentine belt on his 93 Pontiac Grand Prix seems to be okay, and that the alternator pulley is loose. Now..... in hindsight, that serpentine belt appearing to be "okay" is very omenous in this particular set of circumstances. Lunch time is an important part of my day. I not only get to eat, DUH!, but I also get to unwind. Sometimes I mindlessly surf the internet, sometimes I watch TV, but the point is... it's a very important time to me! I'm thinking that maybe with a little "expert" guidance from me, that Jack can get the old alternator out, we'll get the new one picked up and paid for during lunch, and with a little MORE "expert" guidance, that Jack can put it back on by himself after I go back to work. Simple. I get my tools, point out to Jack the various bolts that need to come out and how to get the belt off, and are there any questions. "No? Good! I'll see you at lunch. Oh. By the way. Take the belt off first, or you won't be able to get the alternator off." I go back to work. That wasn't too bad. With a little luck, I'll only waste about ten minutes of good ole lunch time.

LUNCH TIME:

I pull up to the house and he's standing there sweating, staring at the alternator. I walk over and ask him how it's going. He say's, "For some reason, I can't get it off". I look at the bolts still in place and notice the belt is still in place. "Remember when I left, I told you that you'd need to take the belt off first or you probably wouldn't be able to get the alternator out?" "Oh yeah" I didn't know how to take it off". Great! Now more of my precious lunch time is gonna be wasted! Okay. No more time to waste. "Let me go get something to pry the idler pulley with and I'll help you get it off. I walk into the "garage". Now the "garage" is a "garage" only in the sense that at one time it held a car.... maybe. Certainly not since I've lived there. It would more aptly be described as a storage unit for various projects in various states of completion, and a workshop. My wife, (stop laughing Millie) would more aptly call it an abyss of useless junk and broken dreams. It's actually a very large junk drawer with a few shelves. Most of the tools are lying under, in, or in conjunction with other tools, boards, paint brushes, insulation... well... you get the idea. The first thing I see that's long and made of metal is an 18 oz. extra heavy framing hammer. Great! That'll work as a pry bar. I walk back out to the car with tool in hand and say, "Now stand back Jack, and I'll show you how to get that serpentine belt off." I hook the claw of the hammer under the idler pulley and start pulling up to release the tension on the belt so that I can pull the belt off. A little bit more.... a little bit more... WHAM!!!!! I feel myself floating as stars swirl and twirl in my line vision. What in the world happened?! I was working on Jack's car....... I was taking the serpentine belt off........ I had the hammer... What?.... the hammer?.... Why would I be using a hammer?... I needed a pry bar....... Oh yeah! After I stood for just a moment and attempted to put my hand up to my eye, it stopped before it should have. What's on my eyebrow? A knot? A knot on my eyebrow? The hammer must have slipped off and hit me in the eye!. No blood... that's good. But swelling? Ooohhh... that's gonna be black. (see pic. the swelling had already gone down by this time) It actually hurt a LOT worse than it looks! I shake it off and ask Jack to pull the belt off while I pry with the hammer. Yes! I'm STILL trying it with the hammer! I use BOTH hands this time and VOILA! The belt is off. I show Jack which bolts to take off again and go inside to inspect my knot and eat some lunch. On the way up to the porch, I look back and Jack is still trying to figure out which bolts have to be loosened. I turn around, walk back to his car, and with the swollen eye closed, I proceed to remove the remaining bolts. We take the alternator to the nearest AUTO ZONE parts store and I ask for an alternator for a 93 Pontiac Grand Prix. "I think this one is bad" I state with authority. The guy starts typing in the information and notices the knot swelling up on my eyebrow. "You okay?", he asks. "Yeah, yeah", I answer and stare at the computer screen. He takes the alternator to the "testing station" and begins the test which will prove my exact diagnosis. "This one's bad", he say's. "Yeah... I thought so by the symptoms", I proudly stated for all to hear. "When you're driving along and all of the dash lights come on, it's one of two things: 1) a broken or thrown belt, or 2) a bad alternator." He doesn't answer. I guess he didn't hear me. He starts toward the back and say's, "Would you like a new serpentine belt with that?" Now I should have calmly turned and politely said, "No thank you", but I actually heard myself say to jack, "If we don't do it now, it could cause all kinds of trouble down the road." Never have I regretted saying words more than at that moment. I paid for the new parts and walked back to the truck carrying the new alternator with the lifetime warranty, and a brand new serpentine belt.
On the way back to the house, I chose to share a little wisdom with my stepson and explain to him why it's a good idea to "NEVER take shortcuts when working on or repairing a car". "Why",I ask? "Because it could cause all kinds of trouble down the road." "It's always tempting to leave a nut loose, or use the wrong tool, but in the end... you'll regret it". As we pull up to the house I go over with him again how to re-install it by following the previous steps in reverse, leaving the serpentine belt for last. I walk into the house to enjoy what's left of my precious lunch time and get lost in my latest video game.
After a half hour or so I go outside to check the progress. He's got the alternator partially in, (Good for him! He was listening!) , but I notice the old belt is still on. "Jack", I ask, "why didn't you put the brand new serpentine belt on"? Jack explains, "I thought I'd just get it back together to make it home, and then I'd put it on later." "Well, Jack", I say with concern in my voice, "We might as well do it now, it won't take but a second. You don't have any tools at home anyway". "Okay", he say's. So I remove the "keeper" plate and take the old serpentine belt off. It's late, so I tell him that if he'll just follow the diagram on the "keeper" plate, that the new serpentine belt will go right back on and he can continue the installation. "I'll see ya later. Oh, and by the way, remember what I said about the shortcuts. You'll regret it. Good luck!"
I go back to work and tell the whole story to our office manager and explain in detail to her how I accidentally slipped and punched myself in the eye with the butt end of the hammer. "Are you going to be okay?", she asks with concern in her voice. "Yeah, yeah" I answer, and stare at my computer screen. A phone call takes me to the remodel close to my house again, by then it's about 3:15. On the way back I stop by the house to make sure Jack got finished up okay. As I drive up, he's sitting in the car with the hood up. I pull up in the driveway, roll down my window and ask, "What's wrong?" "I just can't get it to line up", he says with frustration in his voice. I get out of the truck and say, "Won't line up? It has to line up. It's metal." I look down on the driveway and see a back plate lying there. I pick it up and say, "doesn't this go on before the alternator?" "I don't know", he says. "I couldn't get it to fit". I pick it up, hold it up to the alternator brace and flip it over. "Ohhhhh...", he say's. "I tried and tried, and couldn't figure out how the heck that went back on". I realize then that his frustration level has gotten to the point where he is going to need some help to finish, so I remove two bolts and slide the backplate into place. Everything goes right back in the same way it came out. The only thing left to do is to put on the new serpentine belt. I remove the "keeper" plate again and remove the old belt. I carefully thread the new belt back over , around and through the labyrinth of pulleys and finally, we're ready to slip the belt over the new alternator pulley. As I reach for the 18 oz. framing hammer I'm thinking in the back of my mind, "there's got to be an easier way to do this." At this point I'm on a roll and don't want to waste any time, so I put the hammer claws under the idler pulley again and decide that if I pull hard enough the first time, that the belt should just slip right over the new alternator pulley on the first try. I brace my left hand up on the firewall and pull with all my might. "This is going to be a piece of cake" I think to myself. Just as I'm at the limit of my pull strength, and I'm looking up to ask Jack to try slipping the belt over the pulley, I feel something slip. There's a brief moment of confusion, followed by the sight of blood squirting out of the middle of my thumbnail. "What in the world would cause that?", I ask myself silently. I look down at the hammer in my right hand and come to the conclusion that the hammer must have slipped off of the idler pulley and somehow, with all the might I could muster, I slammed the claw portion of the hammer into my left thumbnail. "Oh S#$&!", I yell loud enough for the neighbors to hear. At this point in time the pain has finally caught up with the brain and I'm dancing the "smashed my thumb with a hammer" dance. You know the one.... You firmly grasp the injured hand in the uninjured hand, place both between you legs and spin in a circle while looking up at the sky with your face locked in a grimace, eyes closed. After dancing for the appropriate amount of time (this always depends on the severity of the injury calculated by the amount of sympathy one will acquire after the fact. In this case... not much) I survey the injury and realize that there is a purplish gray crack in the middle of my left thumbnail with an inordinant amount of blood coming out of it. I also understand that with this type of injury the pain only increases in intensity until it crescendos at about the twelfth hour. Not looking forward to that at all. I walk quickly into the house, grab some gauze and first-aid tape from the linen drawer and start running cold water over it to slow down the flow (also to wash off the big pieces of grease). After I wrap it up enough to stop the blood from running down my hand, I walk back out to the car to assess the damage. (see pic. washed up at this point. the thumbnail, not me)My thumb seems to be the only casualty. I study the idler pulley and realize that there is a square thingy on one end. (A thingy being an indiscriminate entity. Not actually a nut, and not actually a handle. Just... a thingy.)I might could get my large crescent wrench to fit that end! I walk to my truck toolbox and grab the only tool in it. A large crescent wrench inherited from the previous driver. I walk back over to the car, adjust the crescent wrench jaws to fit the "thingy", and attempt a test pull. The idler pulley just pulled right straight up with the greatest of ease! I casually reached over and just slid the new serpentine belt over the new alternator pulley. Like magic! I replaced the "keeper" plate and announced to Jack that he could start the engine at any time and drive it home. He turned it over, the engine roared to life, and a check of the dash indicated no warning lights. Mission accomplished! Jack thanked me, closed the hood and slowly backed out of the driveway. As he headed home with his new alternator and new serpentine belt accurately installed, I pondered the square thingy on the end of the idler pulley as the new adventures in pain were beginning to grow with the steady heartbeat of my injured thumb. I wonderd if maybe the thingy was placed there for a reason. What else would explain it's presence. Naw!! What I had discovered was an easier way to perform a particularly difficult manuever. It was wisdom that I would be able to hand down for generations! The right tool for the right job! No shortcuts for me! No siree! Because in the end... you'll always regret it!